Egg on my face: v. useless jaxxor story

[jaxxor]

on a bright Saturday morning sometime in spring of 01 my grandparents called me and asked me to come over. some friends of theirs were visiting, and they wanted me to meet their daughter, who was a couple years younger than me and in college. I headed over, mostly because they had biscuits and gravy cooking for brunch.

so the visit went well enough, polite chit chat and whatnot. We went back to the gameroom to play pool, and in the course of doing that we found a golf club. I was kind of feeling like showing off, and they were bored, so we headed outside so I could hit things with the driver.

pinecones were ok, but they didn't go very far, and rocks were a bad idea. we walked down to my grandparent's duck pond, and there It happened. I found a pile of goose eggs lying under a paddle boat, and got an Idea.

I tee'd up, squared my shoulders, dropped my chin, and swung like Tiger Woods. Had I been hitting a real ball it would have undoubtedly been a 300 yard drive. As it was, the egg simply exploded, and in bizarre defiance of the laws of physics coated every fucking surface of my person.

I stood there in shock, the silence broken only by egg dripping from my frame. The girls stood mute witness to the scene, then slowly begin to giggle. Words are incapable of describing the hilarity that followed me as I retreated to my home. I could still hear the laughter as I scrubbed bits of shell from my hair in the shower, and their tears of laughter still appear before me whenever I pick up a golf club.

[fly]

OMG YOU KILLED A BABY BIRD.

fake edit: HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

[smileynev]

So, what happened with the college chick?

And how old are you if she was in college in 01 and you were older then her back then?

[Coqui]

:lol:

[theacoustician]

Way to kill some baby geese for your personal amusement.

[April40]

Way to kill some baby geese for your personal amusement.


Would smashing an egg be considered bird abortion?

[Millions]

So did you nail her or what? I need closure here.

[April40]

Theres a golf course over here, Jack. Let's do a recreation and I'll get it on video.

[jaxxor]

So, what happened with the college chick?

And how old are you if she was in college in 01 and you were older then her back then?

Oh, I never saw them again. I think she was 19 and I was 21. I had no intention of hooking up with her or anything, just wanted attention.

[jaxxor]

Way to kill some baby geese for your personal amusement.

it was an embryonic goose, get it right son.

[smileynev]

Oh, I never saw them again. I think she was 19 and I was 21. I had no intention of hooking up with her or anything, just wanted attention.

ahhhh. Yer just mature for your age.

[JPatrick]

OMLETTES ARE MURDER

[jaxxor]

ahhhh. Yer just mature for your age.

not sure if that's sarcasm or not. Either way, I'd do the same thing now

[smileynev]

not sure if that's sarcasm or not. Either way, I'd do the same thing now

Really? that seems kinda dumb.

[BigDov]

But were the biscuits and gravy any good?

[jaxxor]

But were the biscuits and gravy any good?

they were excellent.

Monday I will tell you all the story of how I slammed my dick in a trashcan lid, and later nearly broke my jaw on New Year's Day.

[April40]

they were excellent.

Monday I will tell you all the story of how I slammed my dick in a trashcan lid, and later nearly broke my jaw on New Year's Day.


What about that story where you almost ate penis sober?

[BigDov]

they were excellent.

Monday I will tell you all the story of how I slammed my dick in a trashcan lid, and later nearly broke my jaw on New Year's Day.


omg I can't wait :lol:

[jaxxor]

What about that story where you almost ate penis sober?

you made that up.


I wish I had some skills, I'd make some MS Paint drawings to go with these tales.

[April40]

you made that up.


I wish I had some skills, I'd make some MS Paint drawings to go with these tales.


No I'm serious, while you were at Ashleys house.


You wish you had some skills like bowhunting or something?

[fly]

No I'm serious, while you were at Ashleys house.


You wish you had some skills like bowhunting or something?
Stop beating me to the ND jokes. :mad:

[jaxxor]

Stop beating me to the ND jokes. :mad:


the what?

[April40]

Stop beating me to the ND jokes. :mad:

Just follow your heart, thats what I do.

[April40]

the what?

Napoleon Dynamite... gosh.

[jaxxor]

Napoleon Dynamite... gosh.

I know that movie sucked and I haven't even seen it yet

[fly]

Just follow your heart, thats what I do.
i well probably bake her a cake some sumsing

[fly]

I know that movie sucked and I haven't even seen it yet
Does crack really smell like burnt hair?

[elpmis]

I know that movie sucked and I haven't even seen it yet
does the extra 'x' in your name stand for bitch cunt?

[April40]

I know that movie sucked and I haven't even seen it yet


I have it, come by and pick it up and you can borrow it.


I WILL MAKE YOU LIKE IT.

[JJ Lady]

Napoleon Dynamite... gosh.
TheAc, Pandora, Bast and I are watching it right now!!...Gosh!

[El Borracho]

you have to be stoned to trully enjoy napolean dynomite.

[fly]

you have to be stoned to trully enjoy napolean dynomite.
No way. Ive never smoked weed in my life and the movie ROCKS

[April40]

TheAc, Pandora, Bast and I are watching it right now!!...Gosh!


OMGOSH did you guys like it?!

"I was hunting wolverines!"

[BigDov]

OMGOSH did you guys like it?!

"I was hunting wolverines!"


I'm still not on the list of cool people who have seen it....... :( Is it good April? Should I rent it tonight?

[theacoustician]

I'm still not on the list of cool people who have seen it....... :( Is it good April? Should I rent it tonight?
I saw it last night ... I'm not sure what to think.

[bast_imret]

Why don't you go eat a corroded peice of crap!

[bast_imret]

I saw it last night ... I'm not sure what to think.


You liked the wedding song.


I love technology. But not as much as you you see. But I still love technology. Always and forever.

[April40]

I'm still not on the list of cool people who have seen it....... :( Is it good April? Should I rent it tonight?


Yesh do eet! There isn't any cussing or nudity so the kids can watch it as well. It's funny if you remember being in school in the 80s or something.

[CletusJones]

:lol: that's hilarious. I'm laughing just picturing the scene you have described.

[JJ Lady]

ND was...interesting. I still don't know if I liked it or not. I've seen it twice...maybe another time or 2

[fly]

What are you gonna do today Napolean?
WHAT EVER I WANT TO, GOSH!